The night unfolds and I packed up my laptop. Time to get off. Three weeks in and not a single day goes by when my head doesn't hurt (literally) from the extreme stress of trying to settle in - new workplace, new bosses, new colleagues... a regulatory deadline in 3 weeks, a spreadsheet full of clients I've never dealt with before, and not a single damn soul is free to help or teach the ropes. Hardly a day goes by when I'm not scratching my hair out thinking of solutions while simultaneously receiving messages from friends asking how I've been enjoying my life in Australia thus far.
Enjoying my life? Laidback? They got to be kidding. I just got off the back of a 50+ hour work week constantly threatening to spill into 60. Not a day goes by when I don't like throwing in the towel and walking away from this job.
Yet. Despite all that. I have never felt more alive.
Walk away from the job? Yes, potentially. Walk away from Australia and back to Singapore? No. Not this time. I have never felt more determined to stay here.
My agent texted me today about a potential rental prospect. Good profile, but wants to rent on the cheap (who doesn't?). Feelings for the flat I never thought I had rose up from the deep recesses of my heart, threatening to ruin my face with tears. Was this about missing home? Missing...Singapore?
No. Resoundingly. This flat is the beautiful culmination of all the struggles, blood, sweat, and tears I went through in Singapore. I handpicked every detail of the flat from colour of the vinyl tiles to the specifications of where the towel ring should be placed, all while juggling between renovations and getting abused by my Singapore bosses on a daily basis. This flat represents our excitement at finally being able to call a place home, after being repeatedly chased out by Indian and PRC landlords in Singapore profiting off their HDB flats off an honest day's work. This flat is, all said and done, the only place my wife and I could spend our normal lives in quiet existence, removed from the chaos of the congested trains, shopping centres and just about anywhere you can go in Singapore. Our HDB flat was home. Our home.
How many Singaporeans will agree me on the necessity of leaving this place called home, and move to a strange foreign land where taxes are high, people are racist, and an unpretentious lunch of Char Kway Teow costs $13.90? Not many. For those who do agree, none are any wiser on why they themselves still ultimately chose to stay. Why leave? Why put yourself in danger? Why..quit? One of my better friends asked, "You will never find a safer place than Singapore. I know this place has its flaws. But every place has its problems". These words ring true to my ears. They are the words of an objective person. But leaving is never about escaping. Nix once said and I still remember to this very day - we left not to escape life, but in order for life not to escape us.
Have you found time to soak in the sunset beneath long white clouds? Have you ever driven across 1000 miles of forests, grass, sheep and wild horses? Have you ever cut your own Christmas tree? Have you touched the ends of a rainbow? Have you witnessed the glory of the morning sun atop mountains? Have you trekked across valleys and forests filled with nothing but serenity and the present moment? Have you seen ice boulders crack off into a lake? Have you witnessed geysers? Have you been awed by a waterfall 1000 metres tall? Rode a horse?
Many Singaporeans have done all of the above on their expensive holiday trips. I have done all of the above too, and most of them while staying in NZ. I believe our human hearts are built to ache for meaning and our souls, an insatiable thirst for purpose - Men are born to be creatures of emotions. Aren't we? Why then are so many Singaporeans willing to laboriously slave away in meaningless existence, continue voting in an institution that does not promise any change for the better, choosing to escape on expensive holiday trips and moan about their fucked up bosses each year and every year? I know not everyone has the privilege to elect for change. Many are by saddled by family obligations or other legitimate reasons. A great many also chose not to change out of fear of the great unknown. Why are so many Singaporeans so fucking afraid to elect for change? Will Singapore collapse because we voted out the incumbents who did such a bad job anyway? Will you die making $20,000 less each year (for some, yes!). I used to have a friend who was with me on moving to Australia and we both hated our jobs. 3 years on, he's still in Singapore and in the same job.
The message below goes out to those who wish for change but are just too afraid to do so:
Be courageous. Choose to live, and not merely to exist.
Enjoying my life? Laidback? They got to be kidding. I just got off the back of a 50+ hour work week constantly threatening to spill into 60. Not a day goes by when I don't like throwing in the towel and walking away from this job.
Yet. Despite all that. I have never felt more alive.
Walk away from the job? Yes, potentially. Walk away from Australia and back to Singapore? No. Not this time. I have never felt more determined to stay here.
My agent texted me today about a potential rental prospect. Good profile, but wants to rent on the cheap (who doesn't?). Feelings for the flat I never thought I had rose up from the deep recesses of my heart, threatening to ruin my face with tears. Was this about missing home? Missing...Singapore?
No. Resoundingly. This flat is the beautiful culmination of all the struggles, blood, sweat, and tears I went through in Singapore. I handpicked every detail of the flat from colour of the vinyl tiles to the specifications of where the towel ring should be placed, all while juggling between renovations and getting abused by my Singapore bosses on a daily basis. This flat represents our excitement at finally being able to call a place home, after being repeatedly chased out by Indian and PRC landlords in Singapore profiting off their HDB flats off an honest day's work. This flat is, all said and done, the only place my wife and I could spend our normal lives in quiet existence, removed from the chaos of the congested trains, shopping centres and just about anywhere you can go in Singapore. Our HDB flat was home. Our home.
How many Singaporeans will agree me on the necessity of leaving this place called home, and move to a strange foreign land where taxes are high, people are racist, and an unpretentious lunch of Char Kway Teow costs $13.90? Not many. For those who do agree, none are any wiser on why they themselves still ultimately chose to stay. Why leave? Why put yourself in danger? Why..quit? One of my better friends asked, "You will never find a safer place than Singapore. I know this place has its flaws. But every place has its problems". These words ring true to my ears. They are the words of an objective person. But leaving is never about escaping. Nix once said and I still remember to this very day - we left not to escape life, but in order for life not to escape us.
Have you found time to soak in the sunset beneath long white clouds? Have you ever driven across 1000 miles of forests, grass, sheep and wild horses? Have you ever cut your own Christmas tree? Have you touched the ends of a rainbow? Have you witnessed the glory of the morning sun atop mountains? Have you trekked across valleys and forests filled with nothing but serenity and the present moment? Have you seen ice boulders crack off into a lake? Have you witnessed geysers? Have you been awed by a waterfall 1000 metres tall? Rode a horse?
Many Singaporeans have done all of the above on their expensive holiday trips. I have done all of the above too, and most of them while staying in NZ. I believe our human hearts are built to ache for meaning and our souls, an insatiable thirst for purpose - Men are born to be creatures of emotions. Aren't we? Why then are so many Singaporeans willing to laboriously slave away in meaningless existence, continue voting in an institution that does not promise any change for the better, choosing to escape on expensive holiday trips and moan about their fucked up bosses each year and every year? I know not everyone has the privilege to elect for change. Many are by saddled by family obligations or other legitimate reasons. A great many also chose not to change out of fear of the great unknown. Why are so many Singaporeans so fucking afraid to elect for change? Will Singapore collapse because we voted out the incumbents who did such a bad job anyway? Will you die making $20,000 less each year (for some, yes!). I used to have a friend who was with me on moving to Australia and we both hated our jobs. 3 years on, he's still in Singapore and in the same job.
The message below goes out to those who wish for change but are just too afraid to do so:
Be courageous. Choose to live, and not merely to exist.
Comments
Post a Comment