Ok, so now you've gotten your visas, sorted out all the boring but important stuff (mortgage, job, school for the kids, Facebook posts to hao lian to all your friends back in Singapore, car, blah blah blah. Oh shit I did say I would do an article on cars).
Then you start living the famed migrant life. Clear sunny skies, going to the supermarket and making friends with your butcher and getting recognised, settling in at work, making friends with your kids' friends' parents, etc. etc.
Some of us are naturally introverted, but for most of us, the Singapore system has efficiently and ruthlessly drilled into us to become the cold, mercenary bastards we are who don't make small talk. Well, guess what, people here love small talk, and more importantly, guess what, you're not going to be told off for talking about your weekend and voicing your opinion (if you really wanted to!)
So, in keeping with the theme on advising people on things I barely have a fucking clue about, being the introvert I am, here is an idiots guide to possible conversation topics with your colleagues which don't cover politics, religion or race for that awkward 3 minutes in the lift (for those of you not planning to elevator pitch your way to senior staff on how you add value to the organisation, obviously - what would I know):
1. The sport
Unfortunately for most Singaporeans who head to Melbourne, the sport of choice is AFL / Footy.
3. Holidays
So obviously not everybody has kids, and some of us might work in places with a younger / more YOLO demographic. Well, like Singaporeans do, people love bragging about their vacations and how they know all about California because they've been there once (for two weeks ok!), just like your auntie knows all about Australia because she has been here once, while what the fuck would you know having lived here, like all of 3 years?
4. The news
Somewhere, some place, some politician has done / said something stupid. Just watch the news.
5. The weekend / the weather
If all else fails:
"How was your weekend" for Monday to Tuesday, and then "Any plans for the weekend" for Thursday and Friday. Works like a charm every time.
What about Wednesday? "It's hot / cold today isn't it?" or "Another two days to the weekend!"
Then you start living the famed migrant life. Clear sunny skies, going to the supermarket and making friends with your butcher and getting recognised, settling in at work, making friends with your kids' friends' parents, etc. etc.
Some of us are naturally introverted, but for most of us, the Singapore system has efficiently and ruthlessly drilled into us to become the cold, mercenary bastards we are who don't make small talk. Well, guess what, people here love small talk, and more importantly, guess what, you're not going to be told off for talking about your weekend and voicing your opinion (if you really wanted to!)
So, in keeping with the theme on advising people on things I barely have a fucking clue about, being the introvert I am, here is an idiots guide to possible conversation topics with your colleagues which don't cover politics, religion or race for that awkward 3 minutes in the lift (for those of you not planning to elevator pitch your way to senior staff on how you add value to the organisation, obviously - what would I know):
1. The sport
Unfortunately for most Singaporeans who head to Melbourne, the sport of choice is AFL / Footy.
That being said though, there's no point feigning interest in a sport if you haven't got any fucking idea what is going on. Spare yourself and your colleagues the painful experience. Generally, soccer is picking up in popularity as well (especially with colleagues from Europe or other soccer-centric countries), so Singaporeans might find comfort in that. Other sports you generally find some interest in are cricket, horse racing, and the rugbies (rugby league and union).
2. The kids
So obviously not everybody is into sport and discussing the footy while holding a VB, and that is perfectly fine. Next topic to fall back on, the kids. Somebody will definitely have kids, who go to some school, do some activities, and did something funny / stupid.
3. Holidays
So obviously not everybody has kids, and some of us might work in places with a younger / more YOLO demographic. Well, like Singaporeans do, people love bragging about their vacations and how they know all about California because they've been there once (for two weeks ok!), just like your auntie knows all about Australia because she has been here once, while what the fuck would you know having lived here, like all of 3 years?
4. The news
Somewhere, some place, some politician has done / said something stupid. Just watch the news.
5. The weekend / the weather
If all else fails:
"How was your weekend" for Monday to Tuesday, and then "Any plans for the weekend" for Thursday and Friday. Works like a charm every time.
What about Wednesday? "It's hot / cold today isn't it?" or "Another two days to the weekend!"
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