Yes, I'm trying to get a job writing cheesy and pointless articles at Contact Singapore and the Overseas Singaporean Unit (OSU). Here goes another listicle.
Nix asked me to write a listicle on the importance of staying connected. Why is it important to stay connected?
1. So you can hao lian to your friends still in Singapore
How you can afford a car, how you can knock off at 5pm, how you have many angmoh friends, blah blah blah. With social media these days (ask your millennial friend or your kids if you don't know how to use it), who needs to fly back to Singapore to catch up with old friends to hao lian when you can post your daily life on social media?
Then, sit back, watch the fireworks as your friends do one or more of the following:
2. So you can practice the Australian accent you picked up after staying here for 3 months
Obviously it won't be as good as that ah lian's who went to the UK or US for a 3 week horliday, but we try, mate, good die.
3. So MINDEF can send you notifications and spam emails
Reminding you to update your fucking exit permit, harassing you and repeatedly asking you to send them useless information they don't fucking read, and for you to take out all your drunken rage on some clueless bored MINDEF clerk who doesn't have a fucking clue what's going on, just like his/her bosses in running MINDEF or any listed commercial companies.
4. So you can get free food at Singapore Days, and compare lives with other Singaporeans
A special type of Singaporean attends these events.
5. So you can sing Home and other national day songs to your friends...
...and make them miss the overcrowded, screw-its-own-citizens shithole we used to know as home. And make them want to glass you with their VB bottles. And complain about how shitty the national day songs have become.
Nix asked me to write a listicle on the importance of staying connected. Why is it important to stay connected?
1. So you can hao lian to your friends still in Singapore
How you can afford a car, how you can knock off at 5pm, how you have many angmoh friends, blah blah blah. With social media these days (ask your millennial friend or your kids if you don't know how to use it), who needs to fly back to Singapore to catch up with old friends to hao lian when you can post your daily life on social media?
- Ask you how to migrate
- Staunchly defend Singapore and tell you how PAP is "not that bad lah"
- Tell you about how bad Australia is and how things are expensive and there are many racists (i mean, what would we know about Australia right, we only live here)
2. So you can practice the Australian accent you picked up after staying here for 3 months
Obviously it won't be as good as that ah lian's who went to the UK or US for a 3 week horliday, but we try, mate, good die.
3. So MINDEF can send you notifications and spam emails
Reminding you to update your fucking exit permit, harassing you and repeatedly asking you to send them useless information they don't fucking read, and for you to take out all your drunken rage on some clueless bored MINDEF clerk who doesn't have a fucking clue what's going on, just like his/her bosses in running MINDEF or any listed commercial companies.
4. So you can get free food at Singapore Days, and compare lives with other Singaporeans
A special type of Singaporean attends these events.
5. So you can sing Home and other national day songs to your friends...
...and make them miss the overcrowded, screw-its-own-citizens shithole we used to know as home. And make them want to glass you with their VB bottles. And complain about how shitty the national day songs have become.
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